What I bring to the table: ✅ Can cook (and will, shirtless if requested) ✅ Will fix your Wi-Fi AND hold you while you cry — same evening, no extra charge ✅ 186cm* of emotionally available Dutchman (*see terms & conditions) ✅ Comes with a beagle named Puck (non-negotiable) ✅ Remembers your coffee order after hearing it once ✅ Gives massages that aren't just a 30-second shoulder squeeze before trying something else ✅ Actually listens. Like, genuinely. It freaks people out.

Real talk. Behind the sarcasm is a guy who spent 13 years in the wrong relationship, did the work, built himself back up, and now knows exactly what he wants. I feel everything at 100% — my brain just needs a moment to translate it into words. Like emotional subtitles with a slight delay. When I'm safe with you, the delay disappears. Ask me about the kintsugi box and watch me...

My dealbreakers: 🚫 You say one thing and mean another — I will take you literally and then we're both confused. My brain doesn't do subtext. It's a feature. 🚫 You ghost — I've had enough things disappear on me, don't be one of them 🚫 You weaponize vulnerability — what I share in bed stays in bed (emotionally AND physically 😏) 🚫 You play games — unless it's Mario Kart, then bring it 🚫 You hint instead of speak — babe, just say it, I promise I can handle direct

First date: somewhere with good food and enough noise that nobody hears us laughing too loud. I'll be nervously charming for about 10 minutes, then the real me comes out. If there's chemistry, I'll suggest a walk because I'm not ready for the night to end. If there's serious chemistry, well... I make very good breakfast 😏🍳

Yes, I have kids. Josefina and Benjamin — they're my masterpiece. No, they won't be on our first date. Yes, they come first. But here's what nobody tells you about dating a good dad: I already know how to be patient, present, and gentle. I can assemble IKEA furniture under pressure AND have a meaningful conversation about feelings. The dad bod is... actually not bad. The dad jokes are free. The bedtime stories are for subscribers only 😏

Ideal Friday night? Could go either way: 🍷 Cooking together, wine, music, accidentally standing too close to each other at the counter OR 🛋️ Couch, blanket, your head on my chest, a movie we're definitely not finishing. I'm equally happy with a fancy restaurant or takeout in bed. Versatility is my love language. Among other things.

Why am I single? Because I spent 13 years in a relationship that taught me exactly what I don't want. Took the time to actually heal instead of rebounding into someone's DMs. Did the work. Wrote a literal database about my own patterns (yes, with classifications — my brain works like that, it's charming once you get used to it). Now I'm that rare thing: a man in his 40s who actually knows himself, has processed his baggage, and is genuinely ready. The bar is in hell. I'm in the penthouse. Come visit 😏

CHANGELOG v46.0 — Boyfriend Edition. New features: Active listening mode, big spoon AND little spoon certified, remembers your coffee order after hearing it once, gives compliments that are specific not generic, back massages that actually go somewhere. Bug fixes: Removed "emotionally unavailable" module, patched "replies 3 days later" to "replies immediately because he was already thinking about you", fixed commitment-phobia memory leak. Known quirks: Will accidentally explain systems architecture during pillow talk because his brain doesn't have an off switch. This is a feature, not a bug.